Stopping Fixing things...Just Lean In
"When the trance of fear arises, instead of getting caught up on worrying or looking for something to eat, instead of getting busy and trying to fix things, we can choose to lean in." Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance
That quote has stuck with me all day. And it has because, an hour ago a lot of pieces in my life really started to feel like they were coming together. And what did I do?
I caught myself an hour or so ago freaking out. Analyzing. Planning. Strategizing. Looking for something to do. Something to fix or solve. It's my remedy for anxiety. For fear. For those moments when there's uncertainty or I'm lacking confidence.
I did this all evening. I had an inner monologue of: "It's not going to happen because of _____. You don't deserve it because of _______. Don't get too excited because X, Y, Z could go horribly wrong. You'll just be disappointed because it's not going to work out."
What I realized though is that I have been doing this my whole life. This is my protection mechanism. This is my strategy for dealing with uncertainty and feeling scared. And as much as my life has changed over the last few years, I still have to consciously talk myself through these moments.
I think that's the first step.
I have to constantly remind myself to lean in. To walk my way through my fears and my emotions.
It's an unconscious practice. Something I've done many times before. But today, it got a name. And it's one of many things I've learned over the years that are going into my confidence course.